Scary New Ideas

6 Oct

I just learned about an unexpected change in my core story: I want to connect to other people.  I want to build close and even romantic relationships.

I’ve always been very comfortable being alone and my innate social skills are…lacking, (It’s a chicken and egg type thing — did I learn to enjoy being alone because I lacked the skills to be around others, I did I fail to learn social skills because I enjoyed being alone too much to be bothered?) so wanting meaningful relationships is new to me.  I do have some wonderful friends, but mostly due to showing up and luck.

I just managed to put everything together and realize that I want to connect to others, so I’m not yet certain how to proceed.  I think I’ll start by being more selective about the people I spend time with; I don’t think learning to connect will be easy, so I’m going to need to start with some exceptional people.  Building on the existing connections I have with my friends sounds like a good first step, and I’d like to ask their help in vetting people for me to try to connect with.

As I learn and things get easier, I think I’ll be able to be less selective and more open and eventually outgrow the need for vetting.  Right now though, asking my friends for help with this project is a sign of progress for me.  Asking for help is a form of vulnerability, and I’m not good at being vulnerable.  Unfortunately, the ability to be vulnerable is a direct measure of the depth of my connection to them.  In order to learn to be good at connecting to others, I need to learn to be okay with being vulnerable.

This is scary, but I think it’s necessary.

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3 Responses to “Scary New Ideas”

  1. Camilla October 6, 2011 at 7:27 AM #

    How very brave of you to realize this and make a conscious effort to form connections! I respect your choice very much.

    • Jill October 6, 2011 at 10:43 PM #

      Thanks for the encouragement!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Hello Universe: Self-Compassion « Real Live Revolution - October 9, 2011

    […] Except before I can truly offer compassion others, I need to learn to offer it to myself.  If I’m trying to connect with others, I need to have a compassionate connection with […]

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