And in another world…

5 Dec

Reverb10: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

My relationship with Chef ended, and while it obviously upset me at first, I am remarkably okay with it.  It was an important relationship and I enjoyed it, but I also knew from the beginning that our situation could only be temporary.  Things ended, not as I wanted them to, but as we knew they would.  It’s okay.

No, what’s more interesting is what I didn’t let go of.  Claytor.  It’s been over two years and I still miss him.  I hate that our friendship came to this point and I hate that there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do or anything he’s willing to do.  I resent that when I went to the bar on my trip home, he was there to watch me; not to talk to me, not to fight with me, but simply to watch me.  I hate that we’re both unhappy with the situation and I hate him for his part in creating it.

I know that I should have let this go long ago, but I think losing him broke me and I’m still putting the pieces back together.

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2 Responses to “And in another world…”


  1. To: Me! « Real Live Revolution - January 7, 2011

    […] but I am the one responsible for the big gift that let me get through this year healing instead of hurting.  My own resilience was what got me through the year.  It was my resilience that allowed me to […]

  2. Healing, part two. « Real Live Revolution - December 20, 2010

    […] Over two years ago my best friend and I had a fight.  It wasn’t a one time incident; we fought for weeks and maybe we’re still fighting.  But really?  We’re not speaking.  He hasn’t really been a part of my life since I moved to Tahoe, and he spent months prior to my move putting some distance between us.  Even so, I’ve been struggling to move on. […]

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