Tag Archives: accountabilty

Hello Universe: Focus and Discipline

3 Oct

As part of the first week of The Artist’s Way, I chose an affirmation for myself: “I am focused and well-disciplined.”  I chose those words because I don’t really believe them.  I frequently let the perfect be the enemy of the good, which means I procrastinate, obsessing about how I should be doing what I’m putting off, instead of actually doing it.

Enough.

What I Want

I want to be focused and well-disciplined.  I want to spend my time doing things that I will enjoy, things I will learn from, or things that will have real benefits.

I do not want to spend my time procrastinating or over-thinking.  I want to spend my time doing.

The Potential I Can See

Openly acknowledging that my current normal is hindering my progress is helpful in itself.  Having that affirmation keeps it present for me, and reminds me that there are better options.

I can see how this ties into everything I’m trying to do right now.  Instead of over-thinking my original core story, I can focus on my new one.  Instead of obsessing over everything that does or doesn’t happen in my new relationship, I can be disciplined enough to maintain it.  Instead of despairing that my job isn’t meeting my expectations, I can focus on getting a better job or creating a career.

My Commitment

I commit to being aware of what I am doing and how my actions further my goals.  I commit to being present in my life instead of over-thinking the past or obsessing the future.

My other mantra?  “I can do this.”  I believe that one.

Hello, Universe

28 Sep

I went to my interview today; they watched me work for fifteen minutes and then they hired me.  I actually started immediately.  I’m pleased and grateful that things worked out so nicely, but I need to be realistic: this is not a good job.  The pay is terrible, the business is incredibly disorganized, and I will be taken advantage of in this position.  The work itself should be fun, but this is not a good job.

I’m feeling a little stuck, so naturally I turned to Havi Brooks and her brilliantly formatted very personal ads.  I always find that good things come when I ask the universe for what I want, so maybe I should create a space for myself to ask the universe.  Yeah, maybe.

What I Want

I’m trying to be specific, and I’m failing.  What I really want is a job that allows me to use my authentic skills — the ones that are intrinsic to me and the ones I’ve learned.  I want a job that pays me enough to take care of myself and I want to work for and with people that will remember that I’m a person, not just a cog, and my time has value.

The Potential I Can See

I felt sad and hopeless the first time I tried to answer this question.  The question I asked was, “What if I never experience truly supporting myself and taking care of myself?”  What if I don’t need to do it all myself?  After all, the entire point of this exercise is to seek help instead of trying to do it alone.

Fortunately I have some wonderful people in my life, and they gave me the push I needed.  I can see that good jobs exist, jobs that make people happy, that solve people’s problems, that help people travel, that help people through rough times.  I can see that I deserve to have a life free from the stress of worrying about money because my job doesn’t pay enough, or not having enough time because I have to work too much, or dread going into work because it’s a poor environment.

I admit that I am struggling to get from where I am to where I want to be, but I do have faith that it can and will happen.  I might not know what to do, but someone will, and being open about what I need might create an opportunity.

My Commitment

I’m going to apply for jobs.  Every day.  It doesn’t cost me anything to apply and I’ll never know what could happen if I don’t.

I’m going to be open to what might happen, to what might work.  I’m not going to limit myself to what seems practical or logical and I’m not going to let myself get caught up in what I should do.

I can do this.

Seeds Planted

25 Sep

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

  1. The most exciting seed I planted this week?  My interview!  I had an interview on Thursday, and while I thought it was going well, it ended very quickly and almost abruptly.  It seriously lasted no more than ten minutes, so I did not walk away feeling optimistic.  However, they called me back the next morning and I have a working interview tomorrow morning!  I’m very excited.
  2. I mentioned that I’m starting a new relationship, but I felt frustrated with it this week.  Well, no, I felt frustrated with him.  I typically address problems immediately and directly, which can frequently be interpreted as overly confrontational.  This time I let him bring it up…and he did!  We actually had a great conversation that left me feeling very good about both where we are and where we’re headed.  This relationship is pushing me to grow and I love it.
  3. I managed to ask my dad for help.
  4. There are plums in there!At the farmer’s market I learned that plums are incredible.  I realize this particular seed sounds a bit silly, but I’m still excited about it.  I used to be a very picky eater, so I always enjoy learning to like a new food, especially in such an unexpected way.  I was buying apples and the farmer offered me a plum; I took the first bite to be polite, but then I devoured it and bought a half dozen.  I originally thought about making a plum tart, but I keep eating them.
  5. I started working on my new core story by trying a new morning routine.  Even in the short time I’ve been trying it, I’ve learned a few things: I’m tend to sabotage myself by trying to make things perfect instead of just going ahead and doing them.  The goal is to take a walk — duration and distance don’t matter, walking itself is the important thing — but I’m still telling myself that my plan isn’t good enough.  That needs to stop.  And really, the big goal is to move my body in the morning, so I could easily substitute a few yoga poses if I have time constraints or just want a change.  I can be flexible, but that can be so difficult for me to recognize.

Seeds Planted

17 Sep

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

What seeds did I plant today?  I found myself focusing primarily on social goals and maintaining my relationships.

  1. I called my great-aunt to check on her.  My great-grandmother, her mom, died this week and she took it hard.  She seems to be doing better now than when I saw her on Saturday.
  2. I talked to my step-dad for over half an hour.  We rarely talk at all, but we both enjoyed spending time together when I was in Michigan this week.  My mom has a poverty mentality and they’re both just very stressed out right now.  He and I have never really been close, so it helps that I’m supporting him at this time.
  3. I briefly talked to my dad.  It was his grandmother that died, so I wanted to make sure he was okay and find out how the funeral went.  He has some good memories of his grandmother, but he seems to be okay.
  4. I went to the bar with Amy.  I rarely go out and I feel especially broke now, but it was nice to spend a little time together out of the house.
  5. I talked to Tiff about moving back to Reno.  We both loved it there and living together was amazingly easy.
  6. I exchanged a couple of texts with Justin.  That’s all it takes to remind me that he is wonderful and I am glad we are friends.
  7. I applied for a job and started a drastic overhaul of my résumé.
  8. I called a temp agency, but I’m not sure what to think.  I’ll finish my résumé and then take it in to a few different places on Monday.

Some days I don’t use my phone at all, but today I managed to really connect with people.  I’m not very good at that, so it was nice to find it so easy to do.

I found this exercise really helpful, so I’m going to try to make it a weekly feature.

Empire Building

13 Dec
The Roman Empire by 271 AD
Image via Wikipedia

Reverb10: Action. When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? (Author: Scott Belsky)

This year is about building, more specifically building my empire.  Right now I think that money, accountability, and education are the biggest things I can do to build my empire.

Money
I need a clearer picture of what I have and what I’m going to do with it.  The next step is to make a spreadsheet of my expenses and financial goals.  I’ll need to review that, and my actual account balances nightly to make sure I’m on track.

Education
It’s time to go back to school.  I enjoy what I do, but it does not facilitate empire-building — I can do better.  The next step is to decide which school is right for me and apply.  Next will come chats with a guidance counselor to make sure I have reasonable expectations, and setting up financial aid.

Accountability
I need just a little more structure.  Simple things like the financial spreadsheet, a deadline calendar for school, and a daily to-do list will probably be enough.  I am the person I am accountable to, so it’s time to implement these things.

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