I went to my interview today; they watched me work for fifteen minutes and then they hired me. I actually started immediately. I’m pleased and grateful that things worked out so nicely, but I need to be realistic: this is not a good job. The pay is terrible, the business is incredibly disorganized, and I will be taken advantage of in this position. The work itself should be fun, but this is not a good job.
I’m feeling a little stuck, so naturally I turned to Havi Brooks and her brilliantly formatted very personal ads. I always find that good things come when I ask the universe for what I want, so maybe I should create a space for myself to ask the universe. Yeah, maybe.
What I Want
I’m trying to be specific, and I’m failing. What I really want is a job that allows me to use my authentic skills — the ones that are intrinsic to me and the ones I’ve learned. I want a job that pays me enough to take care of myself and I want to work for and with people that will remember that I’m a person, not just a cog, and my time has value.
The Potential I Can See
I felt sad and hopeless the first time I tried to answer this question. The question I asked was, “What if I never experience truly supporting myself and taking care of myself?” What if I don’t need to do it all myself? After all, the entire point of this exercise is to seek help instead of trying to do it alone.
Fortunately I have some wonderful people in my life, and they gave me the push I needed. I can see that good jobs exist, jobs that make people happy, that solve people’s problems, that help people travel, that help people through rough times. I can see that I deserve to have a life free from the stress of worrying about money because my job doesn’t pay enough, or not having enough time because I have to work too much, or dread going into work because it’s a poor environment.
I admit that I am struggling to get from where I am to where I want to be, but I do have faith that it can and will happen. I might not know what to do, but someone will, and being open about what I need might create an opportunity.
I’m going to apply for jobs. Every day. It doesn’t cost me anything to apply and I’ll never know what could happen if I don’t.
I’m going to be open to what might happen, to what might work. I’m not going to limit myself to what seems practical or logical and I’m not going to let myself get caught up in what I should do.
I can do this.